Kenyans should stop perishing to embarrass Ankara

There is every evidence that Kenyans may be conspiring with intergalactic forces - and all but a few of the world’s U.N. member nations - to stop Turkey’s enviable rise and rise. They do this by perishing by the dozens.

On Nov. 22, the Islamist al-Shabaab militants stopped passengers on a Nairobi-bound bus and killed 28 Kenyans because they were unable to recite the Muslim statement of faith. The jihadist attack hit the headlines everywhere, including Turkey. In Turkey, however, it was from a different editorial perspective. Pro-government media either ignored the news or opted for shy headlines hidden in dark corners. “Attack on bus,” was one. “Violence in Kenya” was another. The headline that deserved an award was “Tribal clash in Kenya.”

At 4:30 p.m. on Dec. 2, the news channel for the Turkish state broadcaster TRT ran a headline that read: “Thirty-six workers lose their lives in an attack at a quarry in Kenya.” Curious, this columnist searched for related news in world media. And found out that “militants from the Islamist group al-Shabaab had killed 36 Christian quarry workers in Kenya.” In the TRT’s version, 36 Kenyan quarry workers had simply lost their lives in “an attack.”

The word “attack” looked a bit excessive. A better TRT headline could have been “Thirty-six Kenyan quarry workers die.” Without the word “attack” the headline would also legitimize deaths en masse at Turkish mines. “You see, miners die everywhere. It’s not our government’s fault that they die.”

But TRT’s analytical/investigative journalism is not a new phenomenon. Something “absolutely normal” occurred at the closing ceremonies for the 2012 London Olympic Games. The normalcy was how a Turkish presenter for TRT translated (well, rather, avoided to translate parts of) a song that was part of the ceremonies.

The Turkish presenter had merely omitted part of John Lennon’s lyrics that called for “no religion” during the broadcasting of the 30th Olympic Games’ closing ceremonies. The iconic song “Imagine” was included in the ceremonies and was translated into Turkish by the TRT presenter as it played in the background. The lyrics of the song which called for people to imagine a world with no countries and no reason to kill or die for were correctly translated by the presenter, but the TRT man preferred just to skip the part where Lennon sang for “no religion.”

Here are some humble headline suggestions to the TRT’s (and the Turkish Pravda’s) editors in case they feel too depressed about distorting the plain truth. Dear colleagues, don’t be too shy, just be creative to advance your holy agenda:

- Kenyan Christians perish to topple Turkish government

- Kenyan plot coup d’état in Turkey!

- Evidence finds De’ash militants are controlled by Vatican

- New study reveals Turkish Muslims built Rome in 753 BC

- Document says Sudan’s al-Bashir is a CIA operative

- Scientists find Muslim Turks built the Al-Aqsa Mosque in Jerusalem before Islam

- Apple confesses it stole abd al-Hamid ibn Turk’s inventions in quadratics to develop its worldwide popular devices

- In a stunning revelation, Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant (De’ash) says it beheads people in the name of Christianity, not Islam

- Turkish historians find new hadith that says Shiite faith is heretical

- Journal of International Research on Unbiased History unveils shocking public opinion poll that says 98 percent of Christians in Constantinople, surveyed in June 1453, had favorable opinion of the Turkish conquest

- After Kenyan plot fails, Christians elsewhere in Africa are tempted to perish to attack Turkish government

- Archbishop Makarios’ secret memoires: I’d prefer Muslim rule in Cyprus than Orthodox

- Egypt’s el-Sisi secretly apologizes to Erdoğan

- U.S. begs for Turkish know-how to advance in space technology

In any case, the Kenyan Christians should stop conspiring against Ankara by perishing without reason. By losing their lives in unspecified attacks, they are guilty of slandering innocent jihadists.