Motherhood as a career

BELGİN AKALTAN - belgin.akaltan@hdn.com.tr

Motherhood is a wonderful career. It involves a lot of sh*t, but I guess all careers have their positive and negative sides.

To start your career as a mother, you must first have unprotected sex. To be able to have unprotected sex and a “protected” relationship, you must find a male partner, preferably an honest, reliable and well-earning man who would be there for you, who would support you while you perform your never-ending career of motherhood.

Since you will probably be with that man almost all of your life, you better make a good choice. There is no effective formula for a “good choice,” but a good-looking one is logical because you will be seeing this guy day after day, night after night. Your children will look like him. (There is a formula involving the milkman to bypass this rule, but this column is not the appropriate place to tell you how.)

The mindset of looking for a good-looking partner is reciprocal, meaning you have to look nice to be able to find the match you desire.

You will have to take care of yourself from a young age for your motherhood career in order to be able to find a male partner who is good looking, reliable and - if possible - rich.

You have to put motherhood at the center of your life as your major career. There are also minor careers that go along with it, such as cooking, cleaning, washing the dishes, doing the laundry, ironing, setting the table, being a nice and smiling partner in social events, planning holidays, planning house parties, preparing meals for guests, entertaining guests, looking after children, nursing, cleaning the children’s sh*t (which I mentioned at the beginning), etc.

Besides taking good care of yourself, you also have to educate yourself well, learn to drive, speak a foreign language and have a fit body. Come on; these are essentials for any profession.

You may even have some small flirtations so that you are better equipped when the time comes for you to make a choice for real. But do not allow yourself to be touched. This is important in motherhood. Play with men but do not let them play with you. Your husband should believe he is the first and only man in your life.
 
Then you marry the father of your children. The night you get married you have to become an expert in lovemaking, so that your husband who has been waiting for a long, long time to have a sex partner is not disappointed.

Now here is a dilemma. You have to have unprotected sex to become a mother, but it is a gray area whether you should enjoy sex or not. I don’t know which one makes a good mother, a woman who enjoys sex and lives fanciful moments with her husband and continues to do so after the child is born, or one who is completely dedicating herself to motherhood, which does not leave much space for a good sex life.

To be a good mother and to proceed in your central career as a mother, there is another gray area. I don't want to contradict the former prime minister when he told us that C-section births were conspiracies against us. Actually, C-section births are good for your sex life after childbirth and are a guarantee of a longer marriage for those who rely more on male pleasure than anything else, but let me not go into this area either; this column is not suitable. What's more, you cannot discuss such matters with a statesman.

I blame the Americans and the Greater Middle East Project for all of this. It is Obama and junior Bush who have made us discuss motherhood as a central career. This comes after, personally, more than 35 years of journalism, and for my mother’s generation more than 80 years of freedom to choose one's own profession. After more than 90 years in the life of a nation…

I also blame the Ukrainians. 

We, the women of Turkey, have to put up with the consequences of all this crap, after some half-witted bigheads decide on something in a well-furnished, well-air-conditioned office in Washington, New York, or an EU capital. These theories, analyses, or reports, which are also validated by the U.S. and European diplomats and experts in Ankara and in Istanbul…

Well, nobody comes and talks to me or you about the future of Turkey or the future of motherhood in the world. You and I can give them better insight...

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