Ukraine

YILMAZ ÖZDİL yozdil@hurriyet.com.tr

Muammar Gaddafi rewarded our prime minister; he was lynched. Hosni Mubarak hugged our President; they have caged him. Our prime minister became brothers with Bashar al-Assad; since that day, Syrians are shooting each other. Our President went to Pakistan; Benazir Bhutto was blown up.

Our prime minister spoke at the Lebanese Parliament; the next morning Lebanon was invaded. Our president visited Yemen; sang the Yemen folk song with our ministers and shed tears; a civil war erupted in Yemen. Our prime minister shook hands with the Israeli premier; that night they hit Gaza.

The Jordanian prime minister stepped foot in Ankara; he resigned before he went back. We came closer with Georgia, our prime minister hugged Mikheil Saakashvili; the next day Russia went to Georgia. The king of Saudi Arabia decorated our president and prime minister; he was quite healthy, but he became paralyzed; he was hospitalized in the United States for months before he recovered.

Our prime minister went to Iraq, while he was there, their Parliament was raided; 45 people died. We started an African initiative; it hit them from Tunisia to Ivory Coast… We offered the Turkish dish “mantı” to Omar al-Bashir at the Çankaya Presidential Mansion, Sudan was separated. The Argentinian president came to Turkey, before she came, her whole travel allowance was stolen; when she returned, it was announced she had cancer. The Albanian prime minister was a witness at our prime minister’s son Bilal’s wedding; the next day he was hospitalized with serious pain; his gall bladder was removed.

In 2010, we declared it the year of Japan, they were struck by a tsunami in 2011; even their nuclear power plant exploded. Our president went to South Korea, for the first time after 50 years, a rocket was launched from North Korea. The Greek premier came to our winter Universidad games; a popular uprising took place in Greece; the government resigned. Iraq President Jalal Talabani met with our prime minister; from that day on, nobody has seen Talabani. Some sources say he is in a vegetative state; for some others, he is dead. The Romanian prime minister came and signed several agreements; when he went back, he immediately resigned. The Spanish prime minister and our prime minister formed an alliance of civilizations; he abandoned politics. Silvio was taken to court.

The Portuguese prime minister welcomed our president and shook hands with him, then went to his president to submit his resignation. We lifted visas with Ukraine; the Ukrainian prime minister was arrested. We set up contact with Poland; the presidential plane of Poland crashed; the president died. It was announced that our prime minister was to visit Kosovo. In the streets of Kosovo “Welcome” posters were hung. Before our prime minister arrived, 12 hours before, the Kosovo government collapsed.

It was announced that our president was to visit Holland; the Dutch prince was struck by an avalanche and went into a coma. Our president went to Holland; the Dutch government resigned. The Dutch queen returned the visit to Ankara; the prince died. The queen abdicated her throne.
 
When it was announced that our prime minister was to visit the United States, Obama took out his baseball bat, predicting what would happen to him; the visit was cancelled. Our prime minister insisted; he, nevertheless, went to the U.S. Before he returned there was a hurricane; people died; Oklahoma was declared a disaster zone.

Our president went to Sweden, the Swedish princess, known as Cinderella, suddenly died; one of the Swedish policemen assigned to protect our president drove into a channel with this motorcycle; he also died.

Our prime minister hosted President of Ukraine Viktor Yanukovych in Ankara. They both went to Esenboğa Airport and inspected the Antonov-type plane they were planning to co-produce. A civil war erupted in Ukraine, almost 100 people have died. Yanukovych will either resign, flee or he will be caught and killed. The situation of our Antonov is uncertain.

When I started this serial, it only consisted of four or five examples. Then the list soared.

If we elect him again on March 30, what could happen should be the concern of the United Nations…

Yılmaz Özdil is a columnist for daily Hürriyet in which this abridged piece was published on Feb 22. It was translated into English by the Daily News staff.