That's it, I'll call the police

BELGİN AKALTAN - belgin.akaltan@hdn.com.tr

Marauder’s Library is the name given to the makeshift library at Gezi Park,Taksim. DAILY NEWS photo / Emrah GÜREL

The Gezi Park incidents have unleashed the sense of humor that has been hiding somewhere deep inside the Turkish people for many, many years. We used to look as if we were a horribly solemn people with a lot of agony to overcome and no time to laugh. The other 50 percent (and I don’t know what I mean by that) still seems to be suffering, but we are having fun, guys, we really are having fun these days…

The title of the piece was written on the walls a few days after the Gezi Park incidents began: “That’s enough, I’m calling the police.” It made me laugh for five minutes. It was the time when yes, you said “enough” and yes, there was nothing but police at Taksim Square. Another one of my favorites was again painted at the peak of the incidents: “I haven’t showered for six days, send a TOMA.” TOMA is the police truck with water cannon.

Another one: “Help! Police! But I guess you’re busy.” Another one read, “I am like this [beaten up] but you should see the TOMA.”

People from the advertising sector sent word around at Gezi Park that they would hire the person who came up with the “The remedy is Drogba” slogan. I know Drogba is a football player, but I really don’t get the slogan. Can one of the commentators kindly explain this to all of us? Thank you.

Then there was this desperate guy or girl who openly confessed that he or she wasn’t able to find a slogan, another one of my favorites: “I couldn’t come up with a slogan… Park, Trees, Freedom, etc.”

This is such a good description of my mood (right now) just before the deadline of my column. I want to tell my editors, “I couldn’t write my piece… Gezi Park, Freedom, Tayyip, pubic hair, etc…” Do you think they would accept it? Daily Hürriyet columnist Kanat Akkaya wrote that the activist who could not find a slogan was embraced by large masses of people for his sincerity.

Now, I know that those non-Turkish speaker readers of mine are wondering what the hell pubic hair is doing in a piece about Gezi Park.

Here it is, and don’t you ever forget this unique service for you - you wouldn’t find it in any other media outlet. In one of the anti-Gezi Park rallies that the prime minister organized – I don’t know why I am calling them anti-Gezi because they had nothing to do with Gezi incidents but were pre-scheduled election campaign rallies, even though he spent half of his time speaking about the resisters at Gezi Park (where do you think this sentence is going?) and which foreign powers were behind it, and the “interest rate lobby” and CHP, etc., etc….

Oh, what the hell, I’ll start a fresh new sentence, or a new paragraph:

One of the partisan television stations had live coverage of the rally and their reporter was interviewing participants. She held the microphone to a lady with a headscarf, who first told her how much she hated Kılıçdaroğlu, before going on to say how she wanted to be one of the pubic hairs of the prime minister. The operating room was quick to cut the live transmission at that point, about the same second as the poor reporter pulled back the microphone…

Now, some writers sympathetic to the government tell us it is a shame to even mention this extremely ignorant comment, but please tell me how can one avoid such a hilarious absurdity? I mean, yes, it is mean to say this shows the average wisdom of the other 50 percent, but it does prove a point about imbeciles and their political preferences.

Other hilarious graffiti: “Just in Biber.” I was going to say this is self-explanatory, but I have noticed it really is not. “Biber” means pepper in Turkish; it is used in the context of pepper gas and Justin Bieber. No I’m not an imbecile, I’ve just been exposed to too many of them. That also has its effects, you know.

“Do you want three kids like us?”

“The Greeks are saying TOMA and pepper gas belong to them, let’s not lose our national values to Greeks again.” “Welcome to the Istanbul Gas Festival” “Pepper gas is good for the skin” “Every day I’m çapuling…”

“Rich activists have better quality gas masks, we are jealous”

“Cop brother, you really make my eyes water…” “You banned alcohol and people have sobered up…”

The legendary fan group of Beşiktaş, Çarşı, dialed 155 and asked the police “Are you ok? We are worried, where have you been?”

“The third drunkard is me.” In this graffiti, one marauder admitted he was the third of the “two drunkards” who had made the laws in Turkey. Oh, come on, you don’t understand that? Well, OK, the PM said the laws in Turkey had been made by two drunkards, (going on to say that when there were divine laws coming from God, why should one credit laws made by two drunkards). He is believed to have implied Atatürk, the founder of modern Turkey, and İsmet İnönü, Atatürk’s close aide and the second president of the republic… and you are wondering why so many people took to the streets in Turkey?

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